I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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