3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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