lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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