I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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