You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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