ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
