apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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