You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Four minutes until I can fart!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
