in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
