All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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