i think my tv is drunk
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
