My hand turned me down
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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