this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize