I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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