i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
