apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
