Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
