I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
