my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So squirting runs in the family.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
