Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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