in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize