Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
