Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
