Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
