I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
