Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
