the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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