I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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