I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
