Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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