Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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