Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
