Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
