Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
