I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
