The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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