so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
