you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
