Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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