You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
