some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
