As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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