I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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