You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
