Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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