Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
