Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have fence marks all over my body
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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