This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am one with the molecules
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
