A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
