3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
