I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize