break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
