when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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