she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
