Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
