I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
