I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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