Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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