So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
