I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
