You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
