What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
