When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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