today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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