i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
