I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
