Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
