Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
