Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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