this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
