my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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