I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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