Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
