If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
