sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
