Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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