Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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