bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
