Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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