fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
